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bride and groom

חתן וכלה


Dear bride and groom!


On the day of your wedding your name will be mentioned at the gravesite of the holy Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai.

The gates of Heaven will be opened for your success.


You are now going to sail in your ship in the stormy sea of life.

You wait and yearn to be granted a good life with love and harmony, peace, comradeship and tranquility, healthy, gifted children and prosperity.

We also wish you and bless you with all good blessings.


But, as we know in the world around us, many people have not merited happy and tranquil lives. Some suffer from physical or mental agony, some suffer from poverty; others don't have children or suffer bringing them up.


Certainly we must make some concrete effort to have these goals come our way. Unfortunately, we often see cases where people's efforts did not help, and as much as they tried, they achieved the opposite results.

Can something be done to help? Certainly so!


In order to achieve the said goals we need merits. People are examined from Heaven to see if they deserve blessings and woe is to he whose deeds are scrutinized. We want to be judged mercifully. In order for us to merit a merciful judgment, we should heed the advice that our Rabbis ob''m have taught us:

If one has mercy on others, from Heaven they will have mercy on him.

There is a law in Nature that the way a person acts, so is he treated from Heaven.

There are poor Jews, including those who were well-established in the past, but times have changed – and they now wait to have a nourishing meal, which they cannot afford.


If you give generously to these poor people and their families in dire straits, you will be generously blessed accordingly from Heaven.

The Creator promises, "If you make my people (-the poor-) happy, I will make your people happy,"


The virtue of a meal for the poor is an essential merit by every happy occasion. But in the case of a wedding, this is even more so, as explained in the Talmud (Brachot). "A bride and groom need special protection because Satan brings up prosecution at happy occasions and the demons are jealous of them."


Does happiness brings happiness or G-d forbid sorrow?


It also says in the Kav Hayashar (Chapter 10):

A person must be careful when he makes a festive meal for a mitzvah such as a circumcision, engagement, wedding or bar mitzvah; he should make sure to include poor and needy people amongst his invited guests and should see to it that they have nice things. For if one celebrates a happy occasion for his son or daughter and does not invite poor people to the meal, prosecution will be aroused from the wicked Lilit and from Satan until some suffering and hard measures are brought onto the one who makes the meal. Thus we find in the Medrash by Abraham our Patriarch, "And it came to pass after the words" – "after Satan had raised prosecution about Abraham on the day Isaac was weaned and Abraham made a great feast for all the great people of the generation – and there were no poor people there…" – until G-d said to Abraham, "Please take your son, your only son, Isaac…(for an offering)".

Likewise we find by Job who made a feast with his children and there were no poor people there and Satan prosecuted until he killed Job's sons and daughters, and he took away his wealth and animals, and his wrath did not rest until he brought personal suffering to Job.

Therefore when one makes a meal he should be careful to invite poor people to the meal so that the Prosecutor does not prosecute; moreover, when he invites poor people to the meal, "the prosecutor becomes the defender".


The Gemara (Shabbat 156:) tells of Rabbi Akiva whose daughter was getting married. The astrologists told him that they saw that his daughter would die on the night of her wedding; however, she miraculously remained alive in the merit of a meal that she gave to the poor. (For the expanded version of stories from our Rabbis see the article on our site, "The virtuous qualities of a meal for the poor".)

Dear bride and groom, don't let Satan disturb your joyous occasion at all. Give power and energy to your occasion that will stay with you all your lives.

Just think! You have invested so much in your wedding celebration. Don't forget to insure your investment. A meal for the poor is a shield, an all-around encompassing insurance at a nominal price; not only for the wedding day, but for all your lives.

Do you want your parents and grandparents in Heaven to come celebrate at your joyous occasion?

It says in the holy books that this is a way a child respects his parents -when his parents come from Heaven to see him during his happy occasions such as on Shabbat and holidays, or when he makes a circumcision for his son, or a meal for his bar mitzvah or wedding, and so any joyous occasion of a mitzvah. Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai wrote in the holy Zohar (Pinchas) that parents come from Heaven to see a person's happy occasions and celebrate with him. But a prerequisite for their coming is for him to, as if, include G-d in his festive occasion – i,e, Talmud scholars and the poor and needy should enjoy the meal he has made. Parents are G-d's partners as it says (Kidushin), "There are three partners in a person - G-d, his father and his mother". G-d will take his partners, the parents, out of Heaven and so that they too can see the joyous occasion of their son in This World.


A meal for the poor donated in honor of a happy occasion, an ancient Jewish custom, opens the Heavenly gates allowing the Creator to bless you from His great treasures with a long life, blessed children and livelihood in abundance.

When the meal is held, at least ten people sit together, with the power of a group whose prayers are likely to be accepted. The names of the bride and groom are said and the merit of the blessings that all the poor people recite on the food is attributed to the bride and groom.


The cost of the meal for the poor can be on various levels:

A. The best – a donation equivalent to ten portions of your guests at the wedding (generous feast)


B. A donation of $155 ( respectable meal)


C. A donation of $80 (regular meal).


Make sure to fill in the names of the bride and groom with the father or mother's name so that we can utter their names to be blessed.



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